I was mad.
No I was angry.
Actually, I was livid. I swore out loud in front of my daughter AND in public. I was overreacting. I was late for yoga class.
I had a great workout. I was able to go deeper in the poses, feeling things I hadn't felt before. But I did not leave class feeling peaceful like I usually do. While I was able to let go of the feelings of anger, I was not able to release it from my body.
And so I wonder - if it takes me hours to get rid of petty feelings of injustice that are mostly my own issues of not getting what I want at the second I want it -- how was Jesus able to stand, silent, wrongly accused and condemned -- and still travel on to die on a cross? Not for any wrong of his own, but for this hatred that would well up in me 2000 years later over a little comment at the store.
Wow.
He knew my heart would need some safe place to land -- to be emptied out so that I don't poison everyone in my little corner of the world. He did not spit out words in anger, but knew his place, his call. The work he came to do was almost finished and he could return to the Father who loved him.
And so can we.
In God's presence, I can release the negative and find true peace. I wish that peace for you this Lenten season.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Good Morning, God
As I drove back into my regular life on Monday morning, I found myself saying my now habitual good morning to God and my thanks for the small things in life - a good car, the shining sun, electric heat, etc.
This Monday I noticed something. I had not said these things out loud all weekend. I had asked for prayer cover, but I had not done the same for myself. My mind tried to go to the usual place of beating myself up over my lack of spirituality, but it was immediately blocked by the thought - it was all covered.
It was all covered.
As I look back, I know that my spirit was praying. And I know that I was awash in the prayers of my community. I was able to focus on my friends and family, tending them in the ways God knew they needed me to be there for them.
Because I live a shared life, perhaps it is not always ME who needs to be on my knees praying. Maybe sometimes my prayers look like making phone calls for an auto part when I was "supposed" to be boutique shopping with my friend. Maybe sometimes my prayers look like listening to a friend talk until midnight about the amazing ways God provides and the enemy tries to tempt.
I don't know if this is true, but it encourages my soul. It gives me encouragement to keep doing the hard work of building a true Christ centered community. I need people to carry me. I cannot cover all the bases on my own.
I need to know it is all covered.
This Monday I noticed something. I had not said these things out loud all weekend. I had asked for prayer cover, but I had not done the same for myself. My mind tried to go to the usual place of beating myself up over my lack of spirituality, but it was immediately blocked by the thought - it was all covered.
It was all covered.
As I look back, I know that my spirit was praying. And I know that I was awash in the prayers of my community. I was able to focus on my friends and family, tending them in the ways God knew they needed me to be there for them.
Because I live a shared life, perhaps it is not always ME who needs to be on my knees praying. Maybe sometimes my prayers look like making phone calls for an auto part when I was "supposed" to be boutique shopping with my friend. Maybe sometimes my prayers look like listening to a friend talk until midnight about the amazing ways God provides and the enemy tries to tempt.
I don't know if this is true, but it encourages my soul. It gives me encouragement to keep doing the hard work of building a true Christ centered community. I need people to carry me. I cannot cover all the bases on my own.
I need to know it is all covered.
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